we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
