So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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