im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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