your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
