The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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