she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
