I am puke
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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