No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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