Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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