so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize