Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
