Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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