This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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