You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
