he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
