Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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