I don't think brook has ever known best
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i will never coherently bang her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
