dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
