Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
