2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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