I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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