so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
