I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
