You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
