i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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