i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
