yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Boobs speak an international language.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
