I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize