I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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