Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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