So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize