I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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