I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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