I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
