you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
