I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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