I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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