dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
