she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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