You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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