I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize