YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize