everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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