I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
