filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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