so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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