Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
