Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
