You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's paint friendship bongs
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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