areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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