Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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