sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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