OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
