can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
