I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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