I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
