none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had sex on a roof
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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