no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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