I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
