I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
