She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
