The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
