No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
