At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
