2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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