he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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