Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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